Ronald Weasley Doesn't Understand
by TheTitaniumSerpent
Summary: A story where Ron Weasley doesn't understand. SSHG. Contains Ron-bashing. Don't like? Just don't read.


_I own nothing: every character, place and spell belongs to J.K. Rowling. I'm just playing with them._

_English isn't my first language (it's my third, actually), and I don't have a beta, so please forgive me for any errors and/ or discrepancies._

* * *

Ron Weasley could not understand why they were constantly given so much homework. It took up time from the really important things, like breakfast, lunch, dinner, supper, Quidditch and any snacks he might be able to sneak in between.

Ron Weasley could not understand why he wasn't given the respect and reverence that Harry Potter received. Ronald Bilius Weasley was, after all, Harry Potter' first and best friend. So what if Harry was the saviour of the wizarding world and Ron wasn't? Some of that glory should have rained down on him, shouldn't it?

Ron Weasley could not understand why Hermione Granger spent all her time in the library, or revising, or studying, or doing homework, while she could have spent all that time watching Quidditch, or flying, or eating sweets and doing all that fun stuff.

Ron Weasley could not understand why Hermione always got better grades than he did. He was born to be a wizard, while her grades had been better than his from the start, and she was a mere Muggle-born witch. How come she was able to preform every spell and charm with ease and receive a string of O's from every single essay and test, while Ron struggled with everything and barely scraped Acceptables, and an Exceeds Expectations was a cause for celebration. It was illgo... illogol... illigolo... didn't make any sense!

Ron Weasley could not understand why Hermione was so upset when he'd blamed her for the whole thing with Scabbers, or that case with Harry's broomstick, or when he failed a test because she hadn't helped him revise. A bloke had the right not to speak to a gal, didn't he? Perhaps the rat had been an Animagus Death Eater, and perhaps Sirius Black HAD sent the broomstick, and perhaps he could have revised instead of playing sixteen games of Exploding Snap with Dean and Seamus, but she could have... done something differently. She could have.

Ron Weasley could not understand why Neville Longbottom was so insulted when he heard that Ron had claimed that Hermione had lied about having a date for the Yule Ball just to avoid going with Neville. Neville was clumsy and pudgy and not all that attractive. He wasn't even ginger, so why get insulted?

Ron Weasley could not understand how Hermione Granger, the awkward and modest bookworm, could score a date with Viktor Krum for the Yule Ball in their fourth year. Bloody Viktor Krum! Asking for his autograph was acceptable, but to dance with a foreign bloke? That was bleeding treachery to Harry, it was! Krum was competition to Hogwarts and Harry.

For that matter, Ron Weasley could not understand how Hermione could look like... that! How was her bushy hair so pretty all of a sudden, and her body so alluring and her face so pretty that even the grumpy, greasy and nasty old Snape did a double-take and his eyes bulged. It was really funny and he meant to mention it to Harry, but he was too busy with the ball and Ron simply forgot.

Ron Weasley could not understand why Padma Patil was so angry and irritated after the Yule Ball. She'd said some rather insulting things about him, which just proved that she was a bitch.

Ron Weasley could not understand why Hermione didn't seem to take interest in him, proper like. His mum had told him he was meant to be with her, that it was written in stars. When Ginny told him Hermione'd kissed Krum, he decided it was time to play a strategic game and took up with Lavender to make her jealous. Lavender Brown was an empty-headed twit who opened her legs easily, and she liked Quidditch. It seemed to work at first, so when Ron confronted her about the sodding birds she'd conjured to peck at him, she screeched at him about some "childish mind games" and "using poor Lavender and breaking the girl's heart". Ron couldn't understand why there was something wrong about letting Lav snog him: it was good practice for him, and she could always take up with someone else after Hermione came to her senses, right?

Ron Weasley could not understand how Hermione could look at the greasy dungeon bat like... like that?! How could she smile at him?! He'd insulted her teeth two years ago, and there they'd been, a sixth-year student in an empty, deserted corridor, and smiling at him. And did he... did the greasy git just smile back?!

Ron Weasley could not understand when he saw Hermione Jean Granger snogging the Potions Master. Ron Weasley could not understand why she'd allow his hands on her bum, and why he'd grind his filthy groin to hers and breathlessly groan 'I love you'... no, wait, he could understand why he would, but why would she allow all that? He stumbled on his suddenly numb limbs, and suddenly Snape's wand was aimed at him, his cold black eyes narrowed dangerously, and then he quietly said 'Obliviate', and Ron Weasley could not remember what he couldn't understand a few moments ago. It was something he'd thought, but it probably wasn't all that important anyway.

Ron Weasley could not understand why Dumbledore would trust that greasy bastard Snape enough to let him close enough to kill the greatest wizard alive. Didn't make any sense, but that's just Death Eaters for you, they were all evil and didn't make sense anyway.

Ron Weasley could not understand why Hermione wouldn't allow him to shag her in that tent. She hadn't wanted to begin a relationship with him after the broke up with Lavender, and Ron couldn't understand why, now that she knew he was wanted, too. His mum had already been pregnant during their last year anyway, and he couldn't wait to get a family of his own started. A proper shag would have been such a comfort in that cold tent. Then it occurred to him that she was probably pining after the great Harry Potter, never mind that he was destined to be with Ginny. When she wouldn't put out — and why wouldn't she, Lavender certainly had — he made a few threats. They didn't work, so he left. She didn't follow. Fuck.

Ron Weasley could not understand why Hermione wasn't more thrilled when he came back. Of course she was happy that he'd saved Harry from that frozen pool in the forest, but she should have been happy about the reunion. She just kept reading the blasted books, or brooding, although he caught her crying a few times. And had she been talking with Phineas Nigellus Black? Ron Weasley could not understand why anyone would talk to him unless they really really had to.

Ron Weasley could not understand why she wasn't too thrilled when he'd kissed her on the lips. She'd hugged him, and then he'd kissed her, because that's what a bloke was supposed to do, right? It was romantic, it bleeding was! He couldn't understand why she was glaring at him like that.

Ron Weasley could not understand why Hermione wouldn't leave the greasy, disgusting and nasty old Snape to die. He was a traitor, so why'd she cry and administered Phoenix Tears, shove in a bezoar, why would she push her scarf to his wound and keep repeating his first name. And why would Snape want to look her in the eyes and weakly try to push Harry out of the way to get to her? And when Ron tried to drag her away from the dying bastard, why would she kick his shin and then bite his hand and hex him when he tried harder? Finally he followed Harry, because it didn't make any sense to stay with a traitor who was dying anyway.

Ron Weasley could not understand why Hermione spent all that time by Snape's bed as the man recuperated. Harry visited too, gushing about Snape being his mum's best friend for many years and doing it all for revenge and to protect Hermione: of course Vold... you-know-who wanted to kill all Muggle-borns, why single out Hermione? He tried to ask, and Harry looked at him like he was an idiot. Ron Weasley couldn't understand it.

Ron Weasley could not understand why everyone got so upset when he tried to sneak a love potion into Hermione's cup. Why was Harry yelling at him, while some people held back Snape? Why were Bill and Charlie yelling too? Mum had told them it was meant to be, and that he was supposed to marry her and have babies, and he'd merely tried to push things along. Ron Weasley could not understand why his contract with the Auror office was severed, but luckily George hired him to do shelving. He'd had problems understanding all those tests anyway, and he couldn't understand why the training had been so HARD: they'd spent years hunting Dark wizards anyway, so why would they need all that training, all those books, and all those tests? Shelving prank products was more fun anyway, while he awaited for Hermione to come to her senses.

Ron Weasley could not understand what Hermione saw in the greasy-haired bastard. Why would she look at him like he'd hung the moon from the sky? How could she kiss those thin lips, tangle her fingers in his greasy hair and rub her nose against his huge beak? He could understand why Snape would look at her like she was a goddess, although to be fair she was also a frumpy and borning bookworm, but who'd want Snape anyway? Of course he'd adore the only woman who would! And why would Harry look so happy about it? Wasn't he supposed to be Ron's best friend? He should have supported HIM, not them.

Ron Weasley could not understand why Hermione Jean Granger would marry Severus Tobias Snape in a private ceremony. Ron Weasley could not understand why he wasn't invited... not that he'd wanted to attend, anyway, but the food might have been good. Ron Weasley could not understand why the Daily Prophet would write about it being 'the greatest romantic love story of the whole war'. What was the matter with these people?

Ron Weasley could not understand why'd he contract not just one sexually transmitted disease, but three. He'd memorised the Charms, surely they were an appropriate protection... but his groin itches and his cock feels like it's on fire, and he can't take a leak properly... damn those Quidditch groupies! Or was it that Muggle woman he bedded a fortnight ago?

Ron Weasley could not understand how Snape could look at Hermione like that at Diagon Alley. They'd been married for years, and still they went shopping for books and potions ingredients together. Her belly was swelling with his first child, and Merlin help the brat if it inherited both their hair and his beak of a nose and his skin. She, however, was radiant, and she beamed at him as they spoke about some stupid potions and ancient texts and visiting museums on their holidays when they could have gone to Quidditch shops or Weasley's Wizard Wheezes or bought the new book about the Chudley Cannons or spent their holiday at the Quidditch fan training camp.

Ron Weasley could not understand.


End file.
